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Vegan Blogger Gets Beaten Up By Bouncer At Dandelion Market … Or, What It Feels Like To Be a Victim of Racism and Bigotry in Charlotte, NC

back 1 1211133:30 PM:  You’re let off of work early so everyone has time to prepare for the company Christmas party at Dandelion Market in Charlotte, NC.  You’re feeling excited – you haven’t been uptown or had an opportunity to dress up for awhile.  You take a shower, wash your hair, and redo your makeup.  You even use eyeshadow!  You choose a knee length navy blue dress with a bit of decolletage, the 8-foot strand of pearls your fiance gave you, doubled four times, and the pearl earring studs your mother gave you.  OK, it’s not exactly vegan – but you had this jewelry before you were vegan, and being a practical vegan you love and wear the h*ll out of it.

6:45 PM:  Your fiance parks the car and the two of you get out and walk the few blocks to Dandelion Market.  Your heart is bursting with love and pride for your partner who looks very handsome in his “interview” suit. As a Sikh, he is wearing his “African-style” black turban and his full beard is neatly brushed and tied so it lies smooth against the contours of his face.  He’s also wearing one of the Polo colognes and he smells wonderful!  You’ve been told the two of you make an attractive, striking couple, and you are aware of some admiring glances as you walk hand in hand down the street.

You’re also aware of a few not-so-admiring glances – whether at his turban or because you’re an inter-racial couple, you don’t know.  It’s not a big deal.  You’re used to it by now.  Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you … (oh, but you didn’t know then you had to be wary of sticks and stones!  You’ll know by the end of the night, however.)

7:00 PM:  You arrive at Dandelion Market.  You walk past some large men (bouncers?) and the girls in the front greet you pleasantly and check both your names off the guest list and direct you upstairs to your company Christmas party.

7:00 – 10:00 PM:  The whole top floor of Dandelion Market has been reserved for your company’s private party.  You have fun at the party, introducing your fiance to some of the people you work with.  The two of you spend a long time in pleasant conversation with your immediate supervisor and his wife and your closest coworkers.  The new owner of one of the shopping centers your company manages strikes up a conversation with the two of you, which eventually includes the topic of diversity in Charlotte (which he’s a big proponent of).  Of course, there’s also the coworker who has barely spoken to you at work since she first saw a picture of your fiance, and she barely speaks to you here.  Whatever.  Your fiance notices her rudeness and that of one other coworker and comments on it.  You agree but don’t want to make him feel bad by saying the reason why.  He already knows anyway.

10:00 PM:  The floor becomes open to the public.  Friendly girls put wristbands on your wrists, explaining that you’re welcome to stay as long as you like and your drinks and food will be covered by your company.

11:00 PM:  You go downstairs to the kitchen to see if there’s anything vegan you can order.  The only thing they have is fruit and pita wedges. They heat up the pita wedges, tell you there’s no charge because of your wristband, and you carry the food upstairs.  You and your partner sit in a private booth together, talking and eating bread.

Around 11:15 PM:  You get up to go to the restroom and see a large man walking to your table.

While you are in the restroom, the bouncer tells your fiance he has to leave. When your partner responds why, the bouncer says it is because he was sleeping.  Your partner responds he was not sleeping and had in fact been eating.  In response, the bouncer grabs him by the neck and physically pushes him across the room, down the stairs, and to the door.  Making a public show and spectacle.

You come back to the table, unaware that anything is wrong.  You think your partner must have gone to the restroom himself.  You drink some water, eat some bread.

Time passes.

You begin to feel slightly worried.

The bouncer returns to your table and tells you “your husband has been removed and he’s probably waiting for you outside.”  Your heart races.  Removed?  Why?  What happened?  When you left, things were fine – you had been sitting together in a private booth, eating and talking!  Had someone come up and started a fight with him?  Swung a punch?  You know your fiance is not a violent guy.  Heck, he’s vegan.  The two of you are as peaceful and harmless as they come.

You run downstairs and see him at the entrance to Dandelion Market, just inside the foyer.  He tells you he has been removed because he was “sleeping.”  You know that is not so because you were with him.  You spoke to one of the principals of your company 30 minutes ago, you know  after spending what must easily be several thousand dollars on the party he would not want your fiance to be removed.  You head upstairs, confident that the principal will talk to management and take care of it.

YOU NEVER MAKE IT UP THE STAIRS.  You are slammed from behind.  You are grabbed by the upper arms and then the wrists and pulled downstairs.  At some point you fall.  When you yell “WHY?” the response is, “Because you’re with HIM.”  You are thrown out the door.

right upper arm 120813

11:30 PM.  You are standing across the street, looking at Dandelion Market in hopes you will see your fiance if he is waiting there for you.

You don’t know what may have happened to him.

You’ve been beaten – he may have been, too.

Or worse.

You don’t want to think about the worse.

But you can’t NOT think about it.

left upper arm and elbow 120813

You’re calling and texting, texting, TEXTING your fiance on your cell phone and there’s no response.

People on the street are STARING.

You’ve dressed so carefully for tonight but now you are crying and your mascara is running down your face.

Your dressed is ripped, ruined.

Your hose are torn.

You’re missing one of your pearl earrings.

left upper arm 120813

You have NO EFFING IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING OR WHY!

A coworker comes and sees you standing on the street crying.  He comes over to help.  At about that point your fiance (wherever he was) sees you and runs over.  During the time you were attempting to go upstairs, he was speaking to the manager arguing he was not sleeping and was told he was removed “because people were complaining about the Muslim guy being there.”

You go home.  People advise you not to say or do anything, it will just be your fault because you were drinking.  (Your fiance had actually stopped hours ago, and you’d had four drinks in four hours.  What the heck, it is a bar.  And the company Christmas party.)

You stay in bed, bruised and depressed for several days.

Your body hurts like hell.

back 2 121113

Then you think, f*ck it, even if the police can’t do anything you’re going to report it anyway.

If it’s happening to you, it’s happening to others.

They can bruise your body but they can’t shut your mouth.

Going to the police turns out to be a comedy of errors.  You give the report to the cops over the phone.  They say they will send out an officer.  Then they say come into headquarters.  Then they say they can’t find the report that was just taken, so wait for officers to come by to file a new report.  The officers eventually do.  They have a look of extreme boredom and warn that it’s a private club (actually, it isn’t) and therefore they have the right to turn away anyone.  The club also doesn’t have to release the name of the bouncers or of any video footage.

The police don’t even want to file a report until they see the bruises on your arms.  They visibly flinch when they see those.  They don’t want to see the bruises on your back, though.

People tell you the news media might be interested.  In fact, you do have a top reporter interested in your case, but then the matter kinda drops.  Maybe she really was interested, but obviously her network wasn’t.  Discrimination and hate crimes against Sikhs and Muslims (or people just assumed to be Muslims) aren’t really hot topics.  If you were black or gay, probably you could have gotten some token coverage.  Indian … well that’s not really topical.  That’s not hot.  

Lawyers aren’t interested either.  You can’t get a lot of “damages” for bruises.

So, eventually, the only thing left to do is … take it to the people.

Take it to the Internet.

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168 Responses »

  1. Maybe you can seek federal representation. Discrimination is constitutional. Also for local help try a Unitarian Universalist Church. Very open and very politically active churches. Sikh and vegan would be welcomed with open arms.

  2. I am completely disgusted that this happened to you!

    I know you may be disheartened by the fact that it seem like no one wants to help you, but I urge you to keep looking for an attorney that will, especially before any statute of limitations runs (the time from in which you can file a claim against them). I am not an attorney, just a measly law student, so I cannot give you legal advice, but I feel like something can be done here to try to give you and your fiance peace of mind. Keep on the police about it, or even contact your local judge if you aren’t getting anywhere with the cops. Something of this nature should not go unpunished and there should be recourse for something like this, other than just a damaged reputation.

    Again, this is NOT legal advice, but I think you may only have a criminal claim only because it may be difficult in determining your damages ($$). But because I am not an attorney and I am unsure about this, I still suggest you speak to an attorney.

    I believe the cops are correct in saying that it is a private establishment; although it isn’t members only, it is owned privately. Sadly, this allows them to exclude whoever they want, but I don’t think they can do so by using excessive physical force; as in, they can only meet force with force, and the force used must be reasonable and proportionate to the force used against them.

    It is really pathetic that crap like this continues to happen in today’s world. I hope you both get justice and it is a blessing that you have each other to lean on through this difficult situation.

  3. I had earlier sent you a message to let you know that the assault on you was a gender-based crime and referring you to an article in the Daily Beast http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/12/20/new-study-says-gender-based-violence-is-vastly-underreported.html .

    I thereafter sent you a message that gave you the phone number that you can call to get advice in North Carolina and also refers to the article in the Daily Beast. It also explains exactly what a gender-based crime is.

    While I see the second message, I do not see the first and hope that you received it as these people can help you with information about the assault to you and also the racial profiling.

    • Thank you! I’m sure I did get the message but I have really been overwhelmed by comments and have been slowly working my way through them. It’s possible I did not approve some comments that I meant to approve. Thank you so much for your advice!

  4. Have you been in contact with CAIR? They have attorneys that often work discrimination cases like this – even though your fiance isn’t Muslim, the fact that he was discriminated against for being presumed one may convince them to take on the case.

  5. Should be a fairly clear case of assault if the local PD won’t do anything contact the FBI.

  6. First of all, am I the only person that thinks the name of “Dandelion Market” would sound like the safest and sweetest place in the world?! This story is just so horrible. They should change the name to “Thorny Situation Market.”

    Second, my daughter lives there. And if you’re like her, you like the warm weather. But maybe you should take a trip up to Chicago this year and celebrate Christmas activities in the perfect environment. I can’t guarantee you won’t slip (like me) and get a bruise from that, but we can provide hugs, good food and a great time. And wear, and eat whatever the heck you want to.

    You are brave and strong. Like a Northerner. Come on up. <3
    Wishing you better days…after you finish pulling a few weeds ;)

    All the best- Laurie

  7. I agree with everything you said, and I do my part to try and prevent or report those incidences. But I’m sorry, as a gay man myself, you’re excuse of him not being gay to get media attention crossed a line. I’m 34 years old and I STILL deal with comments and slurs about my sexuality. Nothing has changed here. We live in the “Bible Belt” of America, and the past upbringing of the people here was hate everyone that wasn’t white, straight, and “Christian”. Hell, my job could fire me right now for being gay, and I wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it, because this is a “Right to Work” state.
    That being said, I WANT to help you spread the word of the racism at Dandelion Market. Nobody should be treated that way ANYWHERE. I myself was “ushered out” (as they put it) because “My kind” wasn’t welcome. Something needs to be done.

    • I do owe you an apology. I did not mean to minimize the struggles the LGBT is going through. I merely meant that, in some circles at least, people are more “politically correct” towards gays, than perceived Muslims, even if they are not accepting. I live in the Bible Belt too and I totally understand the “hate everyone who’s not white, straight, and Christian!” I know you could lose your job for being gay, and know some people that has happened to. I did not mean to minimize it.

  8. You are right my dear, after hundreds of years of abuse to African and Native Americans in this country…people just don’t have much sympathy for abuse towards a Caucasian person, most would say what goes around, comes around. But abuse isn’t pretty at all!

  9. Reblogged this on 30 and beyond and commented:
    So I may be a British woman living in England but I will stand up for people the world over when they are discriminated against and assaulted for the simple “crime” of looking and being different. Do not let your voice go unheard. Do not allow racists and bigots to have the upper hand. Fight this disgraceful prejudice until it has been seen for what it is – wrong and hateful.

  10. I couldn’t read and run. I’m not a super popular blogger but I have reblogged this post. If I can help spread the word about such a horrendous incident and help support you and your fiancé, then I will. good luck & I hope you are both ok.

  11. What a horrifying situation! How awful for you both. Have you told your company and the people who organized the party? Seems like the company might be more powerful force than the individual and might be able to get someone to take this situation seriously.

  12. This crap happens in NYC all the time. The useless police only help themselves and always take the side of the bouncers who have the right to use the public as punching bags.

  13. I am so sorry that this happened to you. It’s frightening because it can happen to any of us at any time. Sadly, few authority figures care what happens to women and people of color especially when the crime is because of our gender and/or color, unless they are forced to take an interest. You were right to bring it to the net. The only way they would have paid any mind to you would have been if you’d gotten something on tape yourself (because then they CAN’T ignore it.) I wouldn’t want either of you to come to any further harm or feel unsafe, but maybe you could attempt a return to the bar during the day and confront the manager about December’s events and (secretly) film him. It would be great if you could get him to admit to the racially motivated discrimination and violence again on film. But again, I wouldn’t want you doing anything that might bring further physical or emotional harm to you or your fiance. I shared this on my Facebook and with activist friends living in NC. I hope you are able to obtain the justice you both deserve. Don’t give up!

  14. Last I heard, Dandelion Market was owned by the same ownership group that runs Connolly’s and Tyber Creek Pub. HIring practices at these establishments are rumored to involve many an undocumented Irish immigrant. I’m sure they can tolerate bad press even less than most. Let me know if you need a name or number.

  15. Hire a hitman and send him to the bouncers.

  16. I am a Charlotte native and I have to say that what happened to you is DISGUSTING and not at all in keeping with the Charlotte, NC I know and love. I am terribly, terribly sorry this happened to you. I will not patronize Dandelion Market and make sure everyone I know is aware of the way you were treated.

    I hope you find the justice you deserve. I also hope you have a blessed and wonderful wedding a life!
    Peace

  17. I hope everything works out for you. It’s very disturbing to see how they treated you. I agree with the others who say you should take it to the police/authorities. Although I know nothing about legal… stuff. And I love that Chicago mom! You should definitely visit that sweet woman!

  18. this is horrible and disgusting the way you were treated. how ignorant people are. the sikh culture is one of the most facinating ive encountered, i have met many of that faith and they are respectful and gentle people and you are lucky to have a man like him in your life. you need to give them hell and get a lawyer and sue. no one should be treated this way. good luck

  19. This is a horrible story, it sickens me to be living in an area which still allows places of business to act like this, I own a small business here in Downtown Charlotte, NC, and after reading your story, I will not frequent Dandelion Market and well put the word out for others to do the same, Thanks for being brave enough to bring this to the publics’ attention…also, I did not read if your Company, who reserved Dandelion Market for it’s Company’s Christmas party, has gotten involved??? What do they have to say about the BAD and disgusting actions, that evening, which befell you and your fiancé??? I would think they would help you, as you were there because of their invite, and they too should be held accountable for all actions which took place that evening with any and all their employees….as you pointed out, you thought you would be going to a safe place to be social with your coworkers.

  20. This is America — it’s only racism if you are black or Jewish. Everything else is patriotic. The police are probably looking for the attacker to give them a medal, like the attack in New York.

  21. Since it was a company party you should involve your employer Your employer paid for that party and certainly can’t be pleased with the treatment you received. They should get involved.

  22. I
    I am sooo sorry for u both…
    It’s a very sad state our country is in.
    🙏

  23. Your treatment was horrific & racially motivated. Even if he had fallen asleep (I doubt it amidst all that activity), is that the way you treat a guest? And what about her company, has it vehemently protested the treatment of its employee and her guest? You should not be able to leave bruises on a patron like that with no repercussions! I am sorry that the two of you were treated in such an in humane manner.

  24. Have you considered a civil suit (or counter suit in light of their response) to them?

  25. THis type of hatred is, and will remain, true in all parts of the world, until people realize that there are no basic differences between them, no boundaries that determine where one person stops and the other begins.

  26. May all sentient beings remember that they are one, and that they are one with all creatures.

  27. Racism or discrimination aside (it’s bad enough on its own) you suffered assault and battery resulting in objective physical injuries. That the police will not investigate and charge the appropriate parties is disgusting and unthinkable. While discrimination may be difficult to prove, your injuries are obvious to anyone. Bruising can be more serious than most people think, and the amount of pressure used to cause those arm bruises can actually damage nerves or blood vessels. If nobody will pay attention to the discrimination issue, play up the assault on a female part. I am so sorry there are still so many narrow-minded redneck racists out there. They are idiots!!!

  28. This is terrible and I hate to be vengeful, but I hope the Dandelion Market loses a lot of business because of this.

  29. It’s sad that this happens and all the law does is turn a cheek as if nothing ever happened.

    Seen it many many many times

  30. I’m confused…if this happened on the property where you worked (1) who were the people that assaulted you…were they employees? party crashers? (2) why aren’t the managers of your company taking up the investigation? Seems to me they are liable for whatever happened on their property.

  31. This young lady is my daughter and I am very proud of her..She.has suffered much from self professed Christians and still states she is a Christian. I gave her a Bible when she was very small and she read it. She sees that all who say”Lord, Lord” are not truly followers of Jesus. By the way, I am an ordained Baptist Minister.

  32. I just stumbled upon your article & the horrible pictures of your bruises! Continue to fight!!!
    There must be someone or an organization somewhere that can help you!!!
    I’d probably search for an attorney out of state…most attorneys in state don’t want to handle such things. What has your employer had to say about all of this??? I’d go back to work & put a huge 8×10 pic of him on my desk! I can’t offer anything except to say “keep up the fight”! If nothing else, call Jesse Jackson! He likes to get his nose into everything! See if he’ll help someone that “isn’t black”!!!
    God be with you!
    Melanie

  33. I was one of the one who left a negative comment on the Yelp! site because it is not ethical to promote establishments that flagrantly break the law in order to discriminate against people of whose cultures they are completely ignorant.

    However, today I received an email that Yelp! chose to remove my review along with those of others who strongly feel that an establishment exhibiting violent, Jim Crow bigotry are not worthy of their patronage.

    Yelp! Stated that my review was being removed because “this business has recently received media attention” and reviews should be “focused on everyday customer experiences with a business.” Unfortunately, after doing a search today there appears to still be no media attention towards this incident, however, _your_ experience was an every-day customer interaction for _you_, so if you choose to leave some feedback, I am sure people would find it useful.

    Even almost a week after learning about it, I am still outraged that not only did this incident happen, but there has been no repercussion for the perpetrators. So I can only imagine how you must feel, but I hope it helps knowing that there are very many people who hear your story and share your anger.

    • Thank you, Dmitri.

      Yelp has always been fast and loose with their reviews … bad reviews, for whatever reason, are usually deleted quickly. Why I only post reviews to Urban Spoon!

      That has indeed been one of the hardest things … that there have been no repercussions. I know if it happened to me it must have happened/will happen to others! And if you dare to speak out their employees will bully you! It does help to know that there are many people that support me. Thank you!!!!

  34. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I will pray for justice.

  35. What has happened since the incident? Were any charges filed? I’m a law student and not a lawyer (so I am by no means giving you legal advice), but your story really touches me, and I hope you were able to file something through someone. After doing a little research on Lexis (which is a legal database) and the internet (so I could attach the appropriate links)– I hope charges were pressed and if not, I hope you send the attached materials below to your local ACLU ( http://www.aclu-charlotte.org ).

    I just want you to know that it is against federal law, and more specifically, the Civil Rights Act (Title II):
    Outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion or national origin in hotels, motels, restaurants, theaters, and all other public accommodations engaged in interstate commerce; exempted private clubs without defining the term “private”. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_Rights_Act_of_1964

    Even if your significant other was drinking at Dandelion Market, since they serve food they qualify as a restaurant:

    “Thus, courts, interpreting the Act’s terms liberally, eventually concluded, in effect, that the Act covered all establishments open to the public which sold food in a form fit for immediate consumption. While it is possible to imagine a situation in which such an establishment might not be covered today, it is highly unlikely that one will in reality be found. The courts have not only agreed that those establishments named in the Act are covered (that is, restaurants, cafeterias, lunchrooms, lunch counters, and soda fountains),but they have found others to be covered as well (such as tearooms, snack bars, refreshment counters, “carry-out” shops, and drive-ins). Although there has been little litigation involving gasoline stations, the same rules have been applied.

    Only one exception to blanket coverage has developed: bars, taverns, nightclubs, and lounges, which sell beverages but not food, have been held not to be covered establishments. The exception is not absolute, however. Bars which sell food along with beverages are covered, and they are also covered, whether or not they sell food, if discrimination or segregation is enforced therein by state action.”

    10 A.L.R. Fed. 220

    You are in my prayers, and I truly believe that God presents difficult situations to people who can handle it. I hope you and your significant other are doing better.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, your research and your advice! We are doing well and I will definitely explore the information you passed along. We are exploring our options right now and it is so incredible and uplifting the help and information people have offered. Thank you again!

      • Your date was mistaken for Muslim – BUT even if he had been Muslim, no excuse for battery. If he had been drunk, no excuse for attack. Even if you had been resisting expulsion, no excuse for beating by bouncers. I hope you have legal assistance in this case against assault & battery.

  36. I don’t even know what to say…this is shocking. YOU NEED to bring a law suit to the place and the people involved in causing bodily harm to you not to mention to your fiance as well as emotional harm. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

  37. I have heard that the majority of men who work security at restaurants that have large bar business . have criminal records. These security people are better known as bouncersThere should be a law against this. I have personally seen people with back eyes hardly able to walk the day after that had been beaten up by bouncers. If a person is ejected, call the cops, do not beat them to within an inch of their life.

  38. I just discovered your blog / website today. Sorry that this happened to you. And forgive me for saying this but I’m not sure I would trust the cops either. Often times, your best bet is to take it to the people. The power of the purse is often the only way the only to get people to listen. Not that I go out any where much these days but you’ve made me never want to go to this place. And as the old saying goes, the more things change the more they stay the same.

  39. this story made me sick to my stomach hope you got some kind of response from mgt

  40. I am sorry to see this happened to you and your husband, and I have ceased patronizing this establishment since hearing about this – however – several reviews on Dandelion’s page mention that your husband may have vomited inside the restaurant…

    Is this true?

    • Thanks for commenting and your support.

      No, it is not true. I too have read that he was supposedly passed out at a table covered with vomit. That most definitely did not happen.

      And think of this – If that were true, that would put DM afoul of almost every part of the dram shop laws. Why had they overserved him/us if we were so inebriated? Why did Dandelion let him drive home? Why didn’t they check to see if he was “just” drunk or needed medical attention? (He could have had a seizure, for example.) Why didn’t they ask one of my many coworkers who had been sliding in and out of the booth to make sure we had a way home? If this man who had been vomiting and passing out had injured or killed someone while driving home, DM would have been responsible for that third party.

      I guarantee you I would have been quite concerned if I had seen him throwing up on a table and passing out. No doubt my coworkers would have been concerned as well. I would have wanted to take him home or maybe to the ER. I certainly wouldn’t have tried to get one of the owners of my company involved so we could stay longer!

      I truly believe what happened was someone complained about a man in a turban, and a new or poorly trained bouncer made a bad decision, which led to other bad decisions by DM.

  41. This story is devastating for numerous reasons!!! :'( Unfortunately, in today’s society, the general public is too quick to “judge a book (as well as other human beings) by its cover (physical core &/or prior stereotypical judgments)”, resulting in hate crimes, sometimes war, depression/suicides, and a lost opportunity to love unconditionally! Beauty is skin deep. No one should EVER BE JUDGED ON THEIR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OR DISABILITIES (race, gender, size, financial withstandings, social class nor status, etc.)… Treat everyone with the love, kindness, & respect you wish to be treated with. We cannot help, change, nor control what race we are born into, nor whom we are attracted to. Hear everyone out and get to know each other without any biased attitudes. After all, we all deserve a chance in life and second chances. Love unconditionally and judge not even yourself.

  42. Laws should be enacted to prevent places like Danderlion Market from hiring felons as bouncers.

  43. OMG—-I can’t believe this happened,how horrible. I am so sorry for this. I will be sharing on my facebook.

  44. I think it is good that people continue to share this story on social media. I have shared it on my fb page a number of times and each time it has elicited more comments. People are outraged at what happened to you. Let’s keep posting and reposting this story til the whole world knows. Dandelion Market needs to make amends.

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