I admit, I’ve developed a certain love for Gatorade over the past few years. Gatorade and I have gotten to be quite intimate over several flings with Covid and a long and nasty dance with Hepatitis A.

We further bonded when my neighbors began to mistake my flavored electrolyte water for day drinking.

And the colors! Beautiful bright colors that range from stained glass to the day-glo colors rock stars used to wear on MTV in the ’80s. Who even buys Gatorade according to flavor anymore? We’re all like, “Ooooh … I want the BLUE one. No, not that blue one. Not the baby blue one. Not the teal blue one. The kind of purply royal-blue one – yes, THAT ONE.”

So when I saw this brilliant emerald Green Apple Gatorade, I knew I’d have to use it to make Dirty Irish Appletini Mocktails. (Hmmm, Irish and Mocktails don’t sound as if they belong in the same sentence, do they?)

An Appletini gets its green color and apple flavor from sour apple schnapps, so the Green Apple Gatorade is a perfect stand in.

The “Dirty Irish” part refers to Irish whiskey being used in the martini, instead of the more expected vodka or perhaps gin. For this, I used Ritual Zero Proof Whiskey. I wasn’t sure about this “whiskey” at first. If you drink it neat or on the rocks, you can tell it’s not real whiskey. BUT … if you use it as a MIXER, it, somehow, magically turns into whiskey. The taste profile of vanilla, oak, – cinnamon? – and a bit of a char goes well with everything I’ve paired with it. (Trust me, I have paired it with a lot.) It’s truly a mixer extraordinaire. It even has a small “afterburn”, though not as strong as Ritual’s Zero Proof Tequila. And the extremely realistic whiskey scent will knock you back ten paces.

My Dirty Irish Appletini Mocktails turned out beautiful as well as delicious. Stained glass green in the afternoon light; neon green after dark. So simple, no real recipe is needed, but here goes:

• Add a generous splash of Ritual Zero Proof Whiskey to a glass.
• Fill remainder of glass with chilled Green Apple Gatorade. Stir.
• Taste. Add more “whiskey” if needed.

Don’t have any alcohol free whiskey? You can also make this fun drink using an alcohol free gin (I haven’t found any alcohol free vodkas I like – yet). Just add a squeeze of lime to keep the flavor profile balanced.

OR, mix the Gatorade with a flavored sparkling water (I suggest lime or lemon). Don’t use Sprite or ginger ale, it will be too sweet. If you go this bubbly route, simply change the name of the drink to “Irish Champagne.”

Now … I’m going to take this large glass of Dirty Irish Gatorade out to the front porch and see if I can scandalize any neighbors.

“There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” – Oscar Wilde, Irishman

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.